The 54 Days Diet – Celery Not Included
Santa Claus is a ba*tard! He’s brought sweeties and choccies for everyone over the past few days with little, if any, concern for the pounds and kilos he will force you to put on; yes force you to put on – and you have no choice in the matter – especially when you are held captive by the peer pressure to perform!
At this time of year, his gargantuan gifts of glorious, gluttonous, gastronomies garishly garnish every gregarious gathering of galloping gourmets; purveying a persistent, peer-pressured pot pourri of poultry and parsnips with plethoras of plausible preambles to one thing and one thing only that is guaranteed; inescapable; inevitable – the extra bulge around your girth.
But rather than revisiting, with ravaging remorse, the relentless, radical ramifications of rising, rampant radii, and rather than recanting reprehensible retribution for the rapacious, ravenous, rigours of Santa we thought we would keep things very simple to get you back to base camp, on the right side of the track and get you out of your precarious, perilous predicament – the 54 Days diet.
Forget the Macrobiotic diet, the Paleolithic Diet The Bible diet, the Shangri-la diet, the Sleeping Beauty diet and other diets so ridiculously named that you feel they sound so ridiculous they must be good.; where a highly disciplined approach to the consumption of comestibles is the de facto standard of forbearance; supported by the highly disciplined approach to lining the pockets of the pernicious, purveyors of paucity. No – none of that!
The 54 Days diet is simple – involves no exercise – and can be carried out from the pleasure of your own living room – the comfort of your own comfy chair and involves two things and two things only – a copy of 54 days and five sticks of celery.
By now you will know that 54 Days is an award winning psychological thriller that is getting great critical acclaim – but did you know it also has direct health benefits? Aha! You see not only does 54 Days twist and turn and keep you guessing all the way to the end but it actually adds to your physical well being; and the reason is very simple – we tap into your body’s own dietary repository of excellence.
Thrillers and horror films cause an increase in your heart rates, which in itself causes bursts of adrenaline to permeate through your veins. This leads to an increase in your metabolic rate – in itself an appetite suppressor, enabling you to actually burn off calories. This was actually substantiated in a 2010 survey by the University of Westminster, on behalf of Love film, where they surveyed the number of calories burned whilst watching thriller and horror films – with the ten movies they surveyed ranging from a mere 105 calories for the Blair Witch Project to a whopping 181 calories for the Shining.
Now whilst 54 days is not designed to be a horror film it has its own scares and thrills that will eat away at your excess fat, which we estimate will be probably be somewhere in between The Blair Witch Project and the Shining. So, with a fair and following wind you could probably expect to lose 143 calories by watching 54 Days (results, of course, will vary according to your body type and your sense of humour…)
So why not try the 54 days diet, you’ll spend 84 minutes watching a movie that critics have described as “gripping’ and ‘indie film at its best” and enjoy the benefits of your body ripping apart those excess calories consumed over the Christmas break. And the 5 sticks of celery? Well if you get nervous whilst watching 54 Days and you need some comfort food try the celery because it takes more calories to eat an actual sick of celery that are actually in a stick of celery – so by eating 5 sticks you are further guaranteed to lose weight.
The 54 Days diet – scare yourself to the body you’ve always wanted by going to http://www.54daysthemovie.com/ and rent or buy the movie – your body will be pleased you did and it will help Santa feel a bit better – and a little less guilty!